We’re almost to the end. If you don’t know what’s going on – read this.
The gimmick that broke the agent’s glass.
Agent Zelda shoved the envelope in her big black purse that had tiny pink rhinestones across the top. She loved that purse and had purchased it off of Ebay after her leading author made the NYT Best Seller List. Her mind wandered back to Edward, the writer in black. And his mocha golden eyes. Her insides quivered. Was he for real? Or was that another gimmick? She couldn’t tell. She shook it off. Her husband had already threatened to send her to a Team Edward support group.
The rest of the agents greeted her with a cheer when she walked into the private room. She settled in with her chums and a sparkling cider. After they talked about #queryfail and #kidlitchat and #yalitchat and #scribechat, she finally got to talk about #petcat. She tried her hardest to steer away from #Edwardchat, but twittered away in her mind in phrases under 140 characters.
“Would you like a sandwich?” a man asked with a huge smile. He held a platter filled with finger sandwiches. His hair was slicked back with gobs of gel. And oh, for the love of Neil Gaiman, she thought, as she visibly tried not to cringe. He had caviar stuck in his teeth.
Agent Zelda’s fingers itched to reach into her purse for her minty floss, extra thin for people with sensitive gums. Ever since, high school and her prom picture with bits of salad stuck in her teeth, she was never #without floss. But instead, she patted his arm and said, “No thanks.”
Just then their agent schmooze was interrupted. A person in a gorilla suit ran into the room. He beat his chest. And then, started to pitch his story. Agent Zelda took charge. She’d had enough of gimmicks. “Okay, ladies, let ‘em have it.” She led the attack by grabbing a sandwich off the tray and hurling it at the gorilla.
From that day on #gorillafail became a twitter thread where agents shared the craziest gimmicks, never revealing names, of course.
After the security guards three frightened conference newbies led the gorilla away under threat of losing his manuscript critique the next day, Agent Zelda turned back to find her sparkling cider filled to the brim. What a lucky night, she thought, and drained the glass.
As the agents chatted about gorilla family dynamics, Agent Zelda pulled out the envelope, curious. She easily opened the envelope, appreciative of the peel off tab.
She gasped. There were only two sentences on the page. Her fingers slipped. The sparkling cider glass crashed to the floor.