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Laura Pauling | Category Archive | Random
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#biscotti fail

     Cranberry Biscotti. I don’t even know what it is.

It sounds very holiday-ish though. If I made something

like that, I’d be impressed with myself.

     Sooooo Hubbie took the kids to soccer so I could clean and

 get dinner going because we’re going to a Murder Mystery

Birthday party (close to Christmas but not a holiday

party). And I have to bring an appetizer(I’ve always had

a hard time spelling horsdeuvres). I thought if I brought

Cranberry Biscotti instead of my normal crackers and cheese

or veggie dip that would be pretty darn cool.

      I can kinda say it would have been homemade

because someone else gave me the dry ingredients

already mixed in a bag (you know the kind you get as a

present with the directions attached on how to finish and then

the bag or jar sits in your cupboard for years) (actually someone

gave this biscotti mix to my mom as a present and she

so kindly handed it down to me).

     It should have been easy.

     I might not be a great chef but I can follow directions.

1. Cream butter and eggs. (I think I can blame everything on

this step. Three outlets in my kitchen aren’t working and

my microwave is hooked up to one of them, so I couldn’t

properly soften the butter. I used a blow dryer but that

only made the outside melt. I creamed them but

it turned out to be chunks of butter with beaten eggs.)

2. Add biscotti mix then form into 2 – 9 inch loaves.

(I even chilled the dough but there was no way the

powdery mix was shaping up into anything. And there

was no way it would have formed two loaves.)

3. Bake. Cool. Cut into slices. Bake again. (Really. It

sounds easy. I never made it this far.)

Revised 3. Dump whole thing in the trash because

something went wrong.

     I could blame the dry mix. I could blame the blow

dryer. I could blame my lack of baking skills. I could blame

the microwave not working.

     Either way. I’m bringing crackers and cheese. Gone

are my dreams of Cranberry Biscotti. Just say it. Biscotti. Just

saying the name sounds cool.

     It sounded easy. Really.

Comments { 3 }

Not the dreaded query letter, but the dreaded Girl Scout Patch

     In one corner is me: a mom, a writer, a friend,

a teacher of Children’s Church. 

     In the other corner, is the “innocent” girl scout

patch.

Innocent girl scout patch: I don’t know why you

can’t adhere me to your daughter’s vest. It’s not

that hard. All the other moms do it.

Laura: Oh, trust me. I have tried. I am experienced

enough in patches to know by the feel of one whether

or not it will iron on to the vest like it’s supposed to.

Innocent girl scout patch: Shame on you then,

for not taking the time to sew all of them on, like a lot

of the other moms do.

     Laura rushes to the store and buys something

called Fabric Fusion. The word fusion conjured

 up in her mind images of patches fusing onto

the vest with no problems.  She tries but can’t

understand the directions. She makes a phone call.

Friend with a math brain: Hello

Laura: I’m trying my hardest to be a good mom. But

this Fabric Fusion isn’t working.

Friend with a math brain: Do you have to iron

one piece onto the vest, and another piece to the patch?

Laura: Both pieces are fuzzy. Fuzzy doesn’t stick to fuzzy.

Friend with a math brain: Is there another role in the

package?

Laura: (after checking package) Oh, yeah. The other strip

is different material.  (thanks God for smart friends) Bye.

        Now understanding how Fabric Fusion works,

Laura irons on the pieces, but alas, velcro is just velcro.

There is no fusion. Just a patch hanging

precariously to the vest by velcro.

     The girl scout patch comes out the winner. (Boo Hiss)

     (I do not have a math brain. That is one of the reasons

  I write. More on that topic another post.)

 

Comments { 4 }